Tony-isms

That’s Tony on the left.
Jason dressed up as him for
Halloween.

My Kentucy friend, Tony, has a splendid way of presenting similies at some pretty unique moments.  I decided to take note and post them here.  I should add that I’m going to take the editorial liberty of making this G-rated.  His words are a bit more….direct.  Oh yeah, and imagine the heavy Kentucky drawl as you read them.

For starters:

“He’s as messed up as a soup sandwich.”

“He’s so stupid he wouldn’t have sense to pour piss out of a boot if the directions were written on the bottom.”

When told he would have to wait becasue of someone else:
“Well, I’m just suckin’ on the back teat, ain’t I?”
(Apparently, the runt always gets the leftover back teat on the sow.  Had to have this one explained to me.)

“Love like a star-fillled night with a meteor shower coming down…”

“I’ll be outta here so fast people will be looking at the reflection of where I used to be.”

I want to introduce you to a friend

Spring wears a sundress or short-shorts before the weather says she can.
She smiles and winks at Winter as he slowly shuffles to the door.
Spring hugs…and if shes not, she finds herself glancing around for a set of familiar arms that wouldn’t mind just one more embrace.

Spring loves presents! She dances around gardens-on days that I am stuck inside a windowed, climate-controlled environment-gently unwrapping flower buds and leaf buds and even some bug buds. Sometimes she just breathes and the purple-to-yellow crocuses reach up to the trees to take more of her in.

Yeah, Spring is my beautiful friend. Everyone loves her, ’cause, ya know, she’s nice, too…not stuck-up and stuffy like Summer.
I think its because Spring can see dirt-and accept it as she’s convincing the rest of us to clean it up.

See, in all of her joyous bouncing around, she can be a bit lazy. Not sluggish, like Winter, who can’t even get off the couch, but lazy.
The kind of lazy that drags me to a sunny spot in the middle of my yard and makes me crouch down to investigate the way the sun filters through the crocus petals that she opened up earlier in the morning. Looking from the bottom up, the veins are so delicate and the purple radiates.
It’s lazy like that. It’s “take-time-to-fall-in-love-with-a-flower” lazy.

Did I mention that she can be sassy, also?
Just when I am entranced with another petal-yellow on one side, but touched with lavender on the other-Spring says to me: “Oh, by the way, did you remember that your garage is a disaster and, um, it’s not getting clean by itself?”
What a brat!

As I head back inside, she so graciously says she would love to help, but a flock of geese need a bit of guidance. She says she’ll be back and waiting for me when I’m done scrubbing the shower and the toilet.

How can you not just adore that?

Whole-grain

Since 2005, you can buy “whole-grain white bread“.

Its supposed to be healthy and contain all of the grainy goodness of the rough, chewy, darker breads, but you just won’t be able to see or experience it after the bleaching and sanitizing process.

You just have to believe it has substance because the label says so…

…kind of like Madison.

I bombed the interview…again

The problem happens when I open my mouth.

Not with the first “Hello”, but when I start nervously rambling on…
and on…
and on and start feeling more and more insecure and judged…
so I act insecure and judged…
and AM insecure and judged…
and that’s when I bomb the interview.
Done.
Like a switch flips…
an observable switch and my observable insecurities…
observable and judgeable roots…
judged past and observed fears.

I judge…they observe.

It’s that time again…

…for the Madison Film Festival!

My line-up this year:

Taxi to the Dark Side
The Unforeseen
The Pixar Story
Being Innu
Testing Hope
The Planet
Postcards from Tora Bora (I actually missed this one, but hope to see it soon.)

e-mail exchange

Cary:
I was telling Kim (our new sample entry girl) about how queer I was.
I was like “guess who I saw in concert years ago…..WHAM!”
And she was like “WHAM? Who’s that?”
For God’s sake, where did all the good music go?

me:
Kim: “Gues what, mom? I started this new job and there’s this guy.”
Mom: “Oh, really?” (counting future babies in her head)
Kim: “Yeah, he’s kinda odd.”
Mom: “Oh?” (reducing the number of potential granbabies)
Kim: “So the other day he started telling me how gay he is.”
Mom: “Oh.” (deflated, maybe he’s into artificaial semination…it’s been done)
Kim: “And not only that, he is SOOO proud of seeing some group called ‘WHAM!’ back in the 60’s or 70’s or something like.”
Mom: “So, he’s old AND gay?” (pours a drink, potential granbabies = 0)

Cary:
Why don’t you go listen to some folk music and eat some tree bark?

The Words of a Jamaican Man

she’s not big, she’s “fluffy”

“do they really want all of this?”

“typical male have a relationship…or two”
“it’s an inheritance…we can’t do one woman”

the women:
“they know and try to prevent it…know  the person, know what they do and marry it anyway.”

“if a man here tells you he’s single, he’s lying”
“my inheritance is like a curse.  i don’t bring it home…do for yourself…set up your own place”
“if i cover my trail, it’s ok…attraction is the main part of the game”

if you were told that you would lose your family if you are caught, would you still do it again?  “i have been told that”

on help from outside the island:
“be amongst the people…how can you eat steak and help us? come over and break bread with us”
_________________

guy: “women have the power“
girl: do women have the power? “no“

youtube video

VNV Nation and  Andy Huang

Kite Runner

I love a good story. One that pulls me in and especially one that can carry me to another culture, another place, another understanding.

Last night, I found that: “Kite Runner” by Khaled Hosseini.

I came across the book after hearing about the controversy involving the child actors from Afghanistan and the release of the movie.

So, I checked it out from the library, expecting to read a chapter or two and then set it aside. That happened the first night, but the second night…I literally couldn’t put the book down and didn’t get tired until around 3 AM. I woke up a couple hours later, got ready for the day, and thought to myself “I’ll just read one chapter and then head out.”

Well, I finished the book…and arrived at work a bit late.

Here’s the scene:

You have a nose pain for a few days that just comes on suddenly. You think it’s due to the cold you had or something, but it just doesn’t go away and is VERY distracting. So you make an appointment to go to the doctor to get it checked out the next day. That night, someone tells you to jump up and down three times, spin around and clap your hands twice to make your nose pain will go away.

So you do.

And it does go away.

But you still go to the doctor just to make sure there’s nothing wrong. And she asks: “So, why are you here?”
You reply: “To make sure there’s nothing wrong.”
“Does your nose still hurt?”
“Well, no, it feels great. I jumped, spun and clapped and everything’s okay.”
“So, why are you here?”

That’s how I feel about the fall slump and going into therapy.  The therapy has only validated that my “nose” is actually ok, and I just need to make some physical modifications because my body is naturally resopnding to environmental conditions.  Pretty simple.   I’m in a good place…just need the light.

Thanks for all of your support, girls!
Can you all just kick me in the ass next Sep and tell me to get out walking during the day?
Or remind me that it’s time to schedule a beach vacation?

Why are we always trying to deny our deep fundamental connection to the world around us?